


The Long Way Home

by a_mere_trifle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Fluff, Future Fic, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mere_trifle/pseuds/a_mere_trifle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After drinking too much at a party, Rose takes a wrong turn and ends up far from home.</p><p>Or, possibly none of those things. Lalondes, she's noticed, are sometimes terribly complicated that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And This Is Ours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [le_voyage_violet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/le_voyage_violet/gifts).



\--

It was the stars that tipped her off, though she was slow to pick up on it. She looked up through the darkness, hands wrapping around her forearms instinctively, staring up at the thick, distant masses of them, thinking something vague about the zodiac and the stars in their ancient paths and stars that burned with green fire. It was all quite deep and poetic, even if she wouldn't remember any of it later, and it took her embarrassingly long to realize that if she could see the stars, she _probably_ wasn't really in her house.

The realization of where she must, therefore, actually be was much quicker to arrive, and she mumbled a faint curse, squinting at the dimly illuminated row of transportalizers. There were probably signs, she knew, but she wasn't sure if they had yet been installed, and in this light--

There was a loud, familiar clunk, and she sighed, knowing that it was too late. She was on Jade's island, now, and Jade never let visitors go so easily.

"Rose?"

She squinted into the shaft of unusually white light; she could see nothing but a familiar silhouette, though something about it struck her as vaguely odd. "My apologies."

"Rose, what are you doing out here? I thought you were at that party!" Jade rushed out, taking her by the arms, already edging slowly back toward the door. Rose wanted to resist being herded, but she knew from experience the effort would be futile, even were she at her best; canine instincts, perhaps, or just Jade's brand of kindness.

"I left early," she said. She focused on walking; she wished to retain enough dignity not to stumble, at least. It would be such a cliche. Though that never stopped some people...

"I thought it had barely even started!" Jade frowned, leading her through the doorway; perhaps it wasn't surprising she was in a hurry to be back inside, as there was a distinct chill in the island air, and she didn't appear to be wearing any sleeves.

"Counting preparations, it's been all goddamned day. Not counting preparations, it's been two hours." She sighed, staring at the floor, as Jade kept hurrying her along.

"Stupid time zones..." Jade muttered, hauling her onto another transportalizer. There was the usual unsteady feeling, the flash of light, and Jade was pulling her along again-- to the sitting-room, she thought, the one she'd recently retrofitted to include more comfortable furniture and less taxidermy. "That's still really early!"

"My absence may be noted," she admitted, "but I do not particularly care. I judged that the repercussions of my leaving were outweighed by the possible repercussions of my staying."

"You sit down." Jade pushed her down onto a fluffy couch, moving over to the side of the room to fiddle with one of her devices. "Is it something to do with your being tipsy? Or the other way around?"

"...Both," she admitted, reluctantly, sinking back into the cushions. She wasn't at all sure what Jade was doing, but Jade clearly did; with her strange devices, the ones even the Lalondes hadn't yet managed to reverse-engineer, she moved with a graceful expertise, one that didn't yet seem quite to translate to any more mundane affairs.

Then again, Jade had been too amazing at the extraordinary for her talent at the mundane to really matter.

"Here," Jade said, turning around, steaming teacups in her hands. She pressed one into Rose's hands, sitting down beside her; Rose sighed, taking a long, careful sip. Jade tended to make her tea either too bitter or too sweet for Rose's taste; this cup was sweet, but right now, it agreed with her just fine. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she answered, blowing gently across the surface of her still-overfilled cup.

"Rooooose!" Jade glared at her-- or maybe pouted would be the better word; there was no real bite to her, just sternness. "I'm not as smart as you, but I'm not stupid!!"

"That's not true," she said.

"W, what?!"

"That you're not as smart as I," she amended quickly, at the flash of shocked hurt in Jade's eyes.

"What...?"

"I..." Rose sighed. "You mustn't mind me. The whole evening was about the technologies we've brought forth from that train wreck, that's all. Just... memories."

Jade stared down at her teacup; Rose noticed, for the first time, that she was not merely without sleeves, but wearing a _gown_ , gem-studded velvet of such a dark green that it looked completely black. "You remade that dress...?"

Jade looked up; "Yeah," she said, with a sheepish grin. "I should probably hate it, memories and all, but..."

"It looks quite sharp," said Rose.

"It wasn't all that bad," said Jade. "It all turned out okay."

Rose laughed at that; it was hard to keep her teacup balanced, but she couldn't help it. "No, it didn't."

"...Not all of it," Jade admitted, and looked back down at her cup with a frown.

"It could have, though," Rose murmured.

"What do you mean?"

Jade had unnaturally wide eyes, Rose thought with significant annoyance-- warm and bright, redoubled by the lenses in front of them. It made it simultaneously impossible to admit to her deficiencies, and just as impossible to refuse. "I realize we were much apart, and the plot perniciously convoluted," she said, "but certainly you were aware that I fucked up."

"I don't think I'd put it like that at all."

"The final destruction of our universe cannot be described as a 'fuckup'?" Rose barely resisted the temptation to roll her eyes; she was fairly certain they had strayed at least a little toward the ceiling. Perhaps a rational impulse; in most rooms, it was probably the most normal and stolid of any of the Harley legacy architecture. None of you have gone into architecture and you're not at all surprised. "I admit the word seems a trifle limited in scope..."

"But you were trying," said Jade, with earnest sincerity. "You were trying to think about what was going on and how to fix it. What was I doing? I was just listening to what everyone told me. If I saw it, if someone said it would happen? Oh, well then it definitely did! And I'd do all I could to make sure it all went 'right'. Which would've been okay if I'd checked a little harder to make sure it was right first!"

Rose saw the flash of guilt in Jade's eyes, the teeth worrying at her lip, and turned away. "It hardly matters," she said. "Collusion, rebellion, it all worked out the same in the end."

"And I think the end worked out about as well as it could have!!" Jade leaned over, putting her cup of tea back on the table. "You know what someone really smart said to me once?"

"I suspect so," Rose sighed.

"She told me that the game was rigged to start with," Jade continued anyway. "That our enemies had all the time and information in the universe to figure out how to trick us, and it wasn't _stupid_ to believe what everything you had ever seen or heard told you was true."

Rose said nothing; Jade sighed. "But I guess you know what _you_ said. So... how about you listen to me?"

Rose looked up; Jade looked irritated, a determined twist to her lips. "You know we've been hiding things, things that we don't think this world would take well. Jake especially. You know time travel is possible. So what if I told you that a time machine is one of the things we've been hiding? What if I told you I could haul your drunk butt upstairs right now and you could go back whenever you want."

"Just into the timeline of _this_ universe," Rose pointed out.

"I didn't say that. I've been the Witch of Space, silly! I know the difference, if I say this thing can get you there then it can. And I say this thing could take you back. You could do whatever, tell your younger self anything you wanted!"

It was probably a lie, Rose knew, a hypothetical, therapeutic scenario; but she found herself searching Jade's eyes anyway. Stranger things had existed, had turned up in the Harley-English junkpile of technically impossible technology. Stranger things had happened...

"Do you want me to show you?" said Jade.

Possibilities danced through her mind, though she was sure this was merely a rhetorical trap. She could keep her mother from departing... warn her previous self not to listen to strange older men on the internet. Break the game the right way this time, from the very start...

"I'd probably just find new and better ways to fuck all of it up," Rose murmured, halfheartedly, _planning_ it despite herself-- she might not even have to show herself, if she could only properly explain--

"Exactly," said Jade, and all of her mental gears ground to a halt. Surely she had misheard-- but Jade was nodding her head, which was making Rose's spin far worse than ever the champagne had. Jade did not say such things.

No; that wasn't true. She did. Just not to her friends--

Except when it was desperate and it was true.

"See, that's just it," said Jade, softly. "There were _so many_ ways for all of it to go wrong. Literally millions-- probably billions or more! Life is always that way, and that's how they'd set it up, remember? One solution, one timeline that led to what they needed, and they threw all the others away, them and everyone in them." Jade bit her lip for a moment, distracted. "I wonder if some of them made their own way once they were finally left alone. If they were left alone..."

She shook her head sharply, grabbing hold of Rose's hands; Rose stared down at them, feeling horribly, unusually slow, listening with all she was for what would come next.

"There were a million ways for it to go wrong, and it did go wrong a million times," said Jade. "I don't know how many times it went this right. I'm really kind of terrified it might have only been this once! But maybe it wasn't; maybe there were other times it went this right, maybe it could have gone better. But if it could have, then it did, somewhere, you see? And that's their world. It isn't ours. This is ours."

Rose looked up, meeting Jade's eyes; they were as soft as her smile, and utterly implacable. "The many-worlds theory," she said, hardly aware she was speaking.

"It's not really a theory for us!" Jade giggled, poking Rose's nose, and laughing harder when Rose went cross-eyed following her finger's trajectory. "See, you're a lot smarter than me, but I know a lot of things that you don't. And that's how it works!"

Rose considered it for only a few moments before deciding that yes, that was how it had always been, and the knowledge had always made her terribly uncomfortable. She had always wanted to know everything, after all. There had been something uncomfortable about another knowing more.

But she was older, now; and if gods could not learn, then she was glad to have cast off the mantle.

"You want to know something else I know that you don't?" said Jade, with a mischievous grin.

"By all means... enlighten me." She felt her own mouth quirking, watched Jade's grin go brighter as she leaned forward to-- good lord, she _was_ \-- to whisper a childish confidence into her ear.

"You're not as think as you drunk you are," Jade murmured, hot breath sending a furiously suppressed shiver down her spine; her giggle was painfully sharp in Rose's ear, but somehow she wasn't really that annoyed.

Jade got up, still grinning, taking her cup to her table of mysterious devices; Rose prodded her brain back into gear, and was pleased to note it running with quite respectable smoothness.

Now she thought about it, of course, it was exactly the sort of elaborate ruse she would undertake, particularly to fool herself. An excuse to leave the party she loathed, justified, really, by the very fact that she was far gone enough to concoct it in the first place; that was, of course, reasonable.

It did raise the question, she thought, of whether her arrival here was truly a drunken coincidence, a tipsy mistake. It would have been so much easier just to go home, though, where she could easily have hidden herself away for the rest of the night...

She glanced down at her tea. _Or perhaps that is precisely what I did not want._

She looked back up; Jade was busy with something, over there, and Rose rather thought she saw a plate. She was never at all sure how to characterize the girl's movements, she thought; the current clatter was evidence of her frequent clumsiness, a slight jerking, a familial awkwardness underlying nearly everything she did. And yet there was a certain grace to her, all unconscious; perhaps it was simply confidence. It always did seem strongest when she knew exactly what she was doing... which was really too goddamned often, as far as Rose was concerned.

She was a Lalonde, though. She'd keep up.

Jade returned, sitting down, with a plate of little sandwiches she set down on the couch between them; "However drunk you are," she said, cheerfully, "it's dangerous to have an empty stomach!"

"It might be a little late..." Rose said, and took a sandwich anyway. Peanut butter and jelly, of all things; and after her recent schedule of business dinners and absentminded Lalonde lunches, the mere taste came unnervingly close to making her laugh out loud. Jade was rather a lot more than a silly girl-- but she was definitely that as well.

"Well, _I_ haven't eaten anything," Jade said, and grabbed one for herself.

That was as good an opening as she could reasonably hope for; in fact, a second later, she decided not to even ask. It was more than sufficient confirmation. "You really should have. You can't _actually_ fill up at those parties."

Jade coughed, sputtering, as Rose calmly sipped her tea. Before she could think to worry about a choking hazard, Jade gasped, "I-- what do you--"

"With that dress? With your confusion over time zones, your knowledge of my schedule? Please don't waste our time..." Rose finished off a sandwich, smirking, daintily keping most of her remaining lipstick intact.

"...You are really terrible sometimes!" Jade accused, though she seemed more embarrassed than angry. "Okay, yeah, I was going to come to the party. It's our expeditions that _gave_ you the stuff for this quarter's big shiny profit, you know! I'm a silent partner too, I had every right to show up."

"Oh, naturally. It is of no concern that you have never exercised this right before..."

"There's a first time for everything!"

Rose just looked at her, implacable herself when she so chose; and Jade crumbled, shoulders sagging. "Okay, okay, you're right! You're right. I, I was worried. About you."

"About me?" Rose blinked, slightly touched, but mostly just confused. "Why would you have been worried about me?"

"Because it was obvious this party was really bothering you," said Jade. "It has been for weeks now!"

Rose stared. "I never--"

"It was obvious! You did that thing where you were absolutely _totally_ unconcerned about it. If it'd been just another thing, you would've griped more!"

Rose kept her mouth shut, though it took a conscious effort. This was downright unnerving. "You realize that it is quite vital that my motives remain obscure--"

"They were!" Jade hastened to say, though how she could innocently utter what she had just proven to be so blatant a lie was beyond Rose. "I mean, to anyone else. But I, I love you."

"The perils of friendship," Rose muttered, leaning her head down to her teacup. Jade met the remark with silence, a silence that seemed positively thick; and Rose hadn't swallowed her first sip before her mind was replaying the last glimpse she'd had of Jade's eyes.

She put her cup down, as quickly as was feasible, and looked back up; "I love you," Jade said, again, and Rose wondered at the impossible courage those words must take. She wasn't sure she could imagine it, didn't particularly want to.

"That's ridiculous," she found herself saying, and flushed; that was surely one of the worst things to say--

"What, you think I shouldn't?" said Jade, and Rose's shoulders relaxed, just a little. It seemed to make no difference whatsoever to her heartbeat, though, or the chemicals sending dizzy loops of anxiety through her brain. "I know you well enough by now to know what I'm getting into!"

"Well-- precisely!" said Rose. "Surely, there are others--"

"Oh, please," said Jade, and _raised up a hand_ to count something off on her fingers. "First of all, there's everyone in the world. So normal! They don't know what happened! I couldn't keep that secret. And they couldn't ever understand. It'd drive everyone nuts in the end. So that leaves out everyone who wasn't there. Which, okay, still leaves me with a kind of big pool!"

"But--" Rose said, but Jade was on a roll, now.

"There's everyone from this universe, but-- I know it shouldn't be creepy, but it really is! I don't know whether I feel older or younger than all of them, there's all these weird issues that just make love hard to even think about. And I don't know if I understand them, either-- I mean, it's almost harder than the trolls, because they were strangers, born somewhere so different! These are people I should know, born in a universe I should know, and I just _don't_ and it kind of creeps me out. So that leaves me with everyone from our universe."

"You really don't have--" Rose tried again, but Jade had already continued.

"Troll romance confuses me, and they seem to have a lot of it covered," Jade counted off. "There just isn't a place for me, and I don't get it enough to want to barge in! John thinks of me as a sister, and I am his sister, so no."

"And Dave?" said Rose.

"And Dave is a really cool guy, who's a great friend, but, I think I see now why you've been trying to stop me because this is stupid," said Jade. "It doesn't matter why I can't love somebody else, because I could, if it happened. It didn't. I love you."

Jade seemed to find the words easier each time, Rose noticed, fighting the urge to press a hand to her forehead; drunk or not, she thought she might be in for a hangover after all. "But why?"

"Because you're smart," said Jade, her eyes glowing, and Rose thought of how often it had been Jade who knew everything. "Because you're pretty," she said, and Rose knew even eldritch powers had never given her that glow. "Because you care about things and you care about your friends and because you care so much about doing right," said Jade, and Rose knew she'd never truly cared about anything at all.

"Because you're poised and you're good at everything I'm not and I think we could do anything together, if we tried," said Jade. "Because you're amazing. Because I do!! There aren't just _reasons_!!"

"Love hath reason, reason none," Rose murmured, sinking her chin down to her chest.

"Anyway, I like you," said Jade. "A lot. And I'm always going to be your friend, because the things we did, you can't just leave the people you share that with, not completely, not ever. Or I couldn't. But, you know, sometime, if you... want to try being my girlfriend... then I would be totally down with that!"

"Down with that?" Rose repeated, incredulously, though she knew it was the absolute least important aspect of what Jade had just said.

"Rooooose!!" Jade grabbed a magazine, batting it at her head. "This is haaaard!!"

"You make it look quite easy." But of course it wasn't.

 _Think,_ she ordered herself; _Breathe. You owe her at least fair consideration._

 _Picture it. You and her. She would bother you during meetings._

Rose hated those meetings.

 _She would always be cheerful._

Rose always left their conversations with a smile, even if it was an ironic one.

 _She would never be a match for your intellectual games._

No, that was why she always won by countering with another game entirely.

 _You don't love her._

She came _here_. Halfway across the world, and it was her closest haven of safety and of strength.

 _You don't know if it will work._

She wanted, with a fervency that surprised her, to find out.

Rose looked up; Jade was watching her, smile a little softer than it was. "I was always terrible with timing," she said, ruefully. "I should just take you to bed."

"What," said Rose, "on the first date?"

Jade blinked, startled; and the hope that was dawning on her face was the most beautiful thing that Rose had ever seen. "Good God, Harley, what kind of girl do you think I am?"

"Oh, a dreadfully proper one!" Jade quickly reassured, grinning. "Ladylike and things! But, uh, is there anything more ladylike than a goodnight kiss?"

Rose searched for a reason to say no, her heart still pounding; and for all her resourcefulness, she came up with nothing. "I don't believe so," she said, and braced herself mentally, gripping the sofa cushion to hide the tremor in her hands.

If it all went wrong now-- but now Jade's eyes had gone all soft, even silly, leaning in with a reverence that verged on the religious; Rose sketched a brief hypothesis on the perfect love of God as a psychological replacement for the imperfect love of humans, more directly than ever she had suspected, before Jade's lips touched hers, and she found her eyes slipping shut without her input. Lips were quite sensitive things, she realized, and Jade's were soft, roughened slightly by worrying, soft pressure sending a strange tingling down through her chest.

 _This might work, after all,_ Rose realized, as Jade's lips gently moved against hers, and let go, as Jade rocked back on her heels. Rose opened her eyes again; Jade was looking at her face. Rose wasn't sure what she was expecting to find there, but judging from the grin that was spreading across her face, it was written there nonetheless.

 _Happy._ Rose had never read the kind of stories where love made you _happy_.

"Good," said Jade, grinning. "Good."

"I still don't understand," Rose warned her; unhappy because she never liked not knowing everything, because if she didn't understand this, she didn't know what she would do, how long it would last. It wouldn't be fair, she couldn't make promises if she didn't _know_.

Jade tilted her head. "Does it matter?"

She wanted to say yes, to say that of course it mattered, it mattered more than anything; but Jade always had a reason for saying these things, and she was usually damnably persuasive. Maybe if she could figure out what it was, could head off this argument before the humiliating pass--

Rose searched Jade's eyes, and realized, with an almost queasy jolt, that she could not doubt the happiness there. She had always thought Jade an obscenely happy person, but this... this was enormous and more than a little silly and absolutely different.

 _I love you_ , Jade had said, and she had not thought, _She can't be serious_ ; she had thought, _She shouldn't_. Jade was difficult to doubt.

Or maybe that was just an effect she had on Rose.

 _She is happy. So are you. Does it matter if you understand why, as long as it is?_

"...Maybe not," said Rose, still a little unsure. She'd got a bit too accustomed to knowing the future, and gambling had burned her fiercely.

It was extraordinary enough, she realized, something in her heart sliding into place, that she was completely willing to be convinced.

\--


	2. Pesterchum Theater!

GG: hi rose!!   
TT: Hello, Jade.   
GG: you made it home ok right??   
TT: Our technology is very reliable.   
GG: ok good!   
TT: And I would hardly be online had it failed.   
GG: oh right!   
GG: sorry :)   
GG: im just a bit nervous i guess!   
TT: Understandable.   
GG: i mean it was late and you *were* a *little* drunk i think and   
GG: aaugh im babbling at you!!   
TT: That's all right.   
TT: My fellow residents have sunk deep into the restful slumber of the perpetually hammered.   
TT: I have always liked the time for solitary pursuits, but this is rather a welcome change of pace.   
GG: so youre not mad or anything?   
TT: When have I ever failed to take responsibility for my actions?   
TT: I meant what I said, Jade.   
TT: I do not know if I can be a proper "girlfriend" to you... but I find I very much want to discover where this rabbit-hole might lead.   
GG: but i dont want a proper girlfriend!!   
GG: i want you!! :D   
TT: ...   
TT: Was that a *jibe*, Harley?   
GG: of course it wasnt!   
GG: i am the nice country girl. i dont jibe!   
TT: My God.   
TT: Suddenly it all becomes clear.   
TT: I am but a pawn in your plan to further lull the world into complacency.   
GG: no such thing as just a pawn! :D   
TT: And when the time is right--   
TT: All shall love you, and despair.   
GG: yep you got it!   
GG: i was thinking more a queen than a pawn though. :)   
TT: Surely we've crossed enough boards.   
TT: A co-consort?   
GG: yeah i was thinking wed rule the world together.   
GG: kind of good-cop bad-cop!   
TT: ...   
TT: This could work.   
GG: i am glad you think so!! :D   
GG: can we join forces then?   
TT: Indeed, it seems the wisest move.   
GG: awesome :D   
GG: ooh this means we need planning meetings!   
GG: like over dinner sometime??   
TT: I shall check my schedule.   
TT: Does next Tuesday night work for you?   
GG: sure!!   
GG: my continent or yours?   
TT: It should be my treat, this time.   
TT: I will research possibilities and get back to you.   
GG: so thorough :D   
GG: anyway its a date! <3   
TT: I suppose it is.   
GG: you better believe it!   
GG: aaugh i have rounds to make :(   
TT: Rounds?   
GG: this island doesnt take care of itself you know!   
GG: but i will check back in with you soon :D   
TT: All right.   
GG: see you :D <3<3   
-gnosticGardner is Away--   
TT: <3

TG: so howd it go   
TG: you take princess snarking home from the ball or what   
GG: i think you are mixing up your fairy tales there!!   
GG: and no. actually i didn't.   
GG: she came to me! :D   
TG: is that a double entendre   
GG: :P:P   
GG: you behave!!   
TG: man i told you itd work out fine   
TG: what if she doesnt like girls dave??   
TG: pleeeaaaase   
TG: like there was any chance of that   
GG: oh really now!!   
GG: and what makes you such an expert on lesbians anyway?? :P   
TG: porn   
GG: that doesnt count at all!!   
TG: and shes my sister or whatever   
TG: i know her man   
TG: shit is mystical   
GG: bulllllll.   
TG: also i read her slashfic   
GG: whats that got to do with it??   
TG: oh man   
TG: that fic   
TG: i swear to gog it was the dykiest thing that ever involved two dicks   
GG: oh come on!!   
TG: those were so the fuck two chicks   
TG: i dont even care what was under their robes   
TG: chiiiiicks   
GG: but she is better at characterization than that D:   
TG: man maybe it was an early effort idk   
TG: subconscious lesbian urges overcoming even her massive talent whatever floats your boat lady   
TG: i guess thats kinda hot   
GG: daaaaave :P   
TG: so sapphically ever after or what   
GG: it is looking good :D   
TG: oh yeah i bet it is   
TG: pix or it didnt happen   
GG: DAVE!   
GG: you stop thaaat!!   
TG: you stop feeding me straight lines then   
TG: fuck what the hell else am i gonna do faced with that kinda opening   
TG: im only human   
TG: well probably whatever   
TG: how am i supposed to restrain myself   
GG: maybe if you remember i know about That Night!! :P   
TG: that wha   
TG: oh   
TG: that conversation   
GG: not holding your liquor must be a family thing :P   
TG: man have you seen her mother chug it down   
TG: lady could drink a frat house under the table   
GG: maybe an acquired thing??   
TG: i think she metabolizes it into oxygen or something   
GG: well it must be recessive!   
GG: so you be a little less creepy and more of a gentleman or ill tell :P   
TG: no one would believe you   
GG: daaaave...   
GG: you are forgetting about my house!!   
GG: it has security systems.   
GG: it all has video!   
TG: oh hey so theres video of it   
GG: yes!   
GG: ...   
GG: you meant last night didnt you.   
TG: prove it   
GG: STRIIIIIIDERRRRR!!   
\--nosticGardener has sent the file blackmail_sample.mp4--   
TG: ...   
TG: ill be good   
GG: you damn well better be :P   
GG: now you think about what youve done. and next time we talk you show a little more class!!   
TG: k   
-gnosticGardener has ceased pestering turntechGodhead\--   
TG: shiiiiiiit

\--

TT: Were you disparaging my work, Strider?   
TG: aw shit   
TG: of course she told   
TT: Naturally.   
TG: look okay im gonna have to stand by what i said   
TG: shit was gaaaaaay   
TG: but in the totally wrong way   
TT: I protest.   
TT: That was terribly early work.   
TT: Hence my efforts to hide it.   
TG: is this the part where you kick my ass for reading it again   
TT: No, I think my previous punishment was quite thorough.   
TG: thorough thats one word for it   
TG: shit i think i got a surplus in my account   
TG: covers all the shit i could ever pull again   
TT: I don't believe it works that way, Strider.   
TT: However, if it did, I must admit you would have an astonishing store built up.   
TT: Do alternate universes count?   
TG: okay youre right thats stupid   
TG: look i already promised jade im not gonna be ironically creepy about it   
TT: Ironically?   
TG: of course ironically you think i get off on this incestuous slurry shit   
TG: i am actually okay with your claims that it occurred   
TG: no photographic evidence necessary   
TT: My God, you actually went with "pics or it didn't happen"?   
TT: Strider, I am ashamed and a little bit alarmed.   
TG: look you couldntve resisted either   
TG: you woulda done it differently but those were wiiiide openings   
TT: Restrain yourself, Strider.   
TG: yeah im not gonna talk about openings its a bridge the fuck too far   
TG: but you couldntve resisted   
TT: That's how you really knew, isn't it?   
TG: yeah   
TG: i started paying attention after i saw it   
TG: pretty easy for me to tell you were chasing the skirts   
TT: After you saw--?   
TT: Oh, come on!   
TG: chicks with dicks lalonde   
TG: chicks   
TG: with   
TG: dicks   
TT: Poppycock.   
TG: wtf poppycock   
TG: thats    
TG: exactly what wasnt in there   
TT: What?   
TG: i was pressed for time okay   
TG: i was gonna say something about jade rubbing off on you but then i couldnt   
TG: so i had to come up with something   
TT: What would be wrong with   
TG: keep in mind i stopped myself   
TT: STRIDER!!   
TT: God damn it to hell, Strider, I will never be able to read that *perfectly innocent* phrase with a straight face again!   
TG: im not thrilled either lady   
TT: Let's pretend that little tangent didn't happen.   
TT: Gingerly, I reiterate, poppycock.   
TG: totally cheating but whatever   
TG: so why is that   
TT: You just thought it was lesbian because you *liked* it.   
TG: what no   
TT: It's okay, Dave. I won't tell.   
TG: oh shit you got me trapped dont you   
TG: if i say i didnt like it youre gonna ask why the hell i was reading it then or something   
TG: or question the ironic motives of my reading your gay fanfiction in the first place    
TT: Something like that.   
TG: okay fine i give up   
TG: not fighting you on the lesbian wizards   
TT: Would you be interested in some actual genderswap or trans* Zazzerslash?   
TG: no   
TT: I would press the matter, but duty calls.   
TT: Until next time, Strider.   
TG: see you lalonde

TG: jegus fuck im starting to think its a curse or some shit   
TG: spoken over my vat at   
TG: appearification or whatever   
TG: "for the rest of your life dave"   
TG: "you will get your ass handed to you by girls"   
GC: 1'D B3L13V3 1T >:D   
TG: course you would youre one of them   
TG: im just asking for more arent i   
GC: QU1T3 POL1T3LY R34LLY.   
GC: SH4LL 1 OBL1G3?   
TG: oh fuck me   
\--turntechGodhead has disconnected--   
GC: W3LL 1 4M FL4TT3R3D BY YOUR R3QU3   
GC: D4MN.   
GC: M4YB3 N3XT T1M3, COOLK1D >:D

EB: jade!   
GG: hi john! :D   
EB: hi!   
EB: um.   
EB: i'm not really sure how to ask this.   
EB: probably dave's trolling me again.   
GG: i cant say it would surprise me!!   
GG: he seems to be in a really saucy mood these days >:(   
EB: well, uh.   
EB: let me just quote it at you, okay?   
GG: sure :)   
EB: TG: dude didnt you know   
EB: TG: they are totally in lesbians   
EB: TG: we are hip-deep in girl-loving    
EB: TG: this is the true other purpose of sburb   
EB: TG: replenishing the reservoir of sapphism   
EB: TG: across two fucking universes   
EB: TG: okay might not strictly be lesbian for all i know   
EB: TG: rose might also like dudes jade might also like puppies   
EB: TG: who knows didnt ask    
EB: TG: i got enough problems   
EB: TG: but it doesnt matter theyre together   
EB: TG: so dont you go barking up the wrong lesbian   
EB: TG: oh JEGUS why do i keep doing this to myself   
EB: TG: one lesbian romance and i am under fucking assault by fucking scarring mental images   
EB: EB: that's not what i was asking at ALL!!   
EB: EB: and how is that different from your usual life, anyway? :P   
EB: TG: christ now egberts scoring points off me   
EB: TG: someone put me out of my fucking misery   
GG: oh!   
GG: yeah totally in lesbians :D   
EB: i didn't really think...   
EB: wait, really?   
GG: yep :D   
EB: why am i the last to know?!   
EB: i'm your brother, i should know about these things in your life now!   
GG: wait why ARE you surprised??   
GG: i told you all about it!!   
EB: what!   
EB: when??   
GG: i told you i liked her!!   
GG: i asked you what kind of things you thought shed like.   
GG: you said i should just be straightforward and patient until she admitted she liked me back!!   
GG: you told me to go for it!!!   
GG: how did you not know??   
EB: i thought you meant as friends!   
EB: i mean it's hard to get rose to admit she likes anybody, and...   
EB: i am a special kind of dumb, aren't i. :/   
GG: no no!!   
GG: but... are you okay with it??   
EB: now that i've figured it out finally?   
EB: well, yeah!   
EB: as long as it makes you happy.   
EB: and i know she's happier too!   
EB: that's how that conversation actually started!   
EB: it's hard to explain... i guess she seems more tolerant?   
EB: she doesn't mind it as much or tease me as hard about it when i'm dumb.   
EB: which is apparently really, really often :(   
GG: wow!   
GG: well i know i am happy!!   
GG: and i know she is too but its cool knowing its that noticable!   
EB: then yeah, i am cool with it!   
EB: oh, fuck.   
GG: ??   
EB: what if you guys get in a fight?   
EB: whose side do i take??   
GG: mine of course!!   
GG: im still your sister silly ;D   
EB: okay!   
EB: i'll just support whatever's right. :)   
GG: as long as thats me ;D   
EB: heh, okay!   
EB: i'm really happy for you. really!v  
GG: thanks!!  
GG: it means a lot to me. :D  
GG: and i hope you know i will be there for you too. <3  
EB: thanks!  
EB: wait.  
EB: do you know something i don't?  
GG: well... apparently! ;D  
EB: jaaaaaade!  
GG: sorry, got to go!  
GG: bye!!  
\-- has disconnected--  
EB: jaaaaaaaaaaaaadeeeee!

EB: hi rose?   
TT: Why so tentative?   
TT: You are normally so ebullient in your greetings.   
TT: Have you a fever?   
EB: no, no!   
EB: i just, i'm feeling kind of awkward.   
EB: because jade has totally already told you, right??   
TT: To be sure.   
EB: man, i feel so embarassed.   
EB: i really got hurt when i thought she didn't tell me she liked you!   
EB: then it turned out she pretty much said it every way she could except "john i would like to stick my tongue down this girl's throat ok??".   
EB: which of course i really wouldn't have wanted her to say!   
EB: i mean, ew!   
EB: i mean, not because it's girls!   
EB: because she's my sister and everything and all that weirdness!   
EB: i am all for it, i just don't think i want to hear weird details.   
EB: which of course you weren't just going to go around handing out anyway!   
EB: aaugh, i am such a moron.   
TT: This may be difficult for you to accept, John, as you may be the only person I know who was brought up to believe they were perfectly normal.   
TT: Indeed, the only person I know who could aspire to such an exotic title.   
TT: But life is a strange thing, and no one actually knows for certain how to handle it.   
TT: Our particular complications simply add an exponent or two to a fundamental problem of existence.   
EB: are you trying to say it's not my fault?   
TT: I am trying to say that shit happens.   
TT: I am trying to say that failures in communication are inevitable, and nothing to be ashamed of; better to learn what you can from them, and move on with your life, knowing that it will very probably happen again, and all you can really learn is how to cope with it.   
TT: It is not a particularly easy lesson to learn. But lessons never are finished anyway.   
TT: ...I may be shamelessly projecting.   
EB: no, that made sense!   
EB: thanks.   
TT: I suspect you'll find it easier than I.   
TT: You were always better at moving on from your mistakes.   
EB: well, not really!   
EB: i used to get really mad at myself for being stupid. i still do sometimes.   
EB: i'm just way more easily distracted by everything!   
TT: You may be right.   
EB: wouldn't that be a first! :P   
EB: i do feel a little better though.   
EB: thanks, rose.   
TT: You are welcome.   
EB: anyway, congratulations!   
EB: and i hope you both are really happy.   
EB: and please never bring me between you, okay?   
TT: ...I wonder if I owe Strider an apology or a beatdown...   
EB: huh?   
TT: Nothing.   
EB: i mean if you have a fight or something.   
EB: i couldn't take sides!   
EB: i play for both teams!   
TT: Are you doing this deliberately?   
EB: doing what deliberately?   
TT: Nevermind.   
EB: would you just be straight with me?   
TT: I'm afraid that won't be possible.   
EB: aargh!   
TT: I seem to have been born this way.   
EB: i should've figured that out a long time ago!   
TT: I've heard the clues were there.   
EB: it was really obvious!   
EB: but i will put up with it.   
EB: because i am your friend!   
TT: That is just a benefit of it.   
EB: yes!   
TT: I greatly appreciate your friendly indulgence.   
EB: thanks!   
EB: it is nice to be appreciated.   
EB: i work hard, you know!   
EB: it is hard work keeping this foursome together!   
TT: I... would indeed expect those to be difficult dynamics to manage.   
EB: especially with you two!   
EB: god, i just get this pounding headache!   
EB: my head just starts this throbbing...   
TT: Oh, for heaven's sake.   
TT: Stop this nonsense before I throw up. You overplayed your hand there, Egbert.   
EB: ...   
EB: you're getting kinda better at this!   
TT: Is the extreme difficulty others find in determining whether your obtuseness is genuine or affected really an ill reflection on *me*?   
EB: hey!!   
TT: So when exactly did you realize what you were doing?   
EB: hey, i am a master prankster!   
EB: a master!   
EB: my skills in the ways of japery are all but unrivalled!   
TT: Was it around "born this way"?   
EB: no.   
EB: of course not!   
EB: maybe.   
TT: A fan of the Lady, hmm?   
EB: for some reason, most of the trolls i know are!   
EB: so of course i have heard of her!   
EB: everyone has heard of lady gaga.   
EB: okay almost everyone.   
TT: This point, I will concede.   
TT: At any rate, I must be off.   
EB: off to marshal another salvo in the prank war?   
EB: well, you will never defeat me!    
TT: ...   
EB: unrivalled king!   
TT: Perhaps, but only due to the unfortunate gender connotations of the term.   
EB: okay, nanna may be the queen...   
EB: but the lalonde/strider empire is no match for our might!   
TT: Whatever you say, John.   
TT: Oh, by the way?   
TT: Jade told me nothing.   
TT: But I won't hold your ignorance against you. It is merely an amusing quirk to me.   
TT: See you.   
EB: wait, what?   
-tentacleTherapist has disconnected--   
EB: HEY!

GG: hey rose?   
TT: I was just about to leave.   
GG: i wanted to ask you something first though!   
TT: Even though I'll be there in two minutes?   
GG: yeah <3   
GG: if you say no we can just pretend it didnt happen!   
TT: Oh, God.   
GG: i was just wondering...   
GG: i got this adorable headband with these kitty ears.   
GG: it is sooooo cute! :D   
TT: ...   
TT: Are you asking me to wear it?   
GG: well yeah :D   
TT: Are you asking me to wear it for... any specific purpose?   
GG: i dont mean like some huge roleplay thing!   
GG: i just think it would look cute on you! <3   
GG: but i dont mind if you say no because everything looks cute on you anyway :D <3<3   
TT: As, you claim, does nothing...   
GG: oh definitely :D <3<3   
TT: ...   
TT: Would I have to meow?   
GG: no not at all!! :D <3   
TT: I suppose at least trying them on can do no harm.   
TT: Probably.   
GG: but... i think you will!!   
GG: >;D <3<3   
TT: ...   
TT: I'll be right over.   
TT: <3

GG: heyyyy sexy!! :D:D <3   
TT: Jade...   
TT: You know I'm in the middle of something.   
GG: yeah but i didnt wake up in time to say bye before you left this morning!!   
GG: i had to say hi :D <3   
TT: Well, hello, dear.   
GG: and i know i shouldnt bother you at work but...   
GG: where did you learn to PURR like that :D:D <3<3   
TT: ...   
TT: Noting that, as far as every other person in the universe, and, in fact, alternate instances thereof, is concerned, such a ridiculous thing absolutely did not happen...   
TT: From you, frankly.   
TT: It was not a talent I knew that I possessed.   
TT: Now despite my general excellence at maintaining a professional facade, this is a very serious meeting with, among others, very canny Lalondes, and I really do not dare dwell on this any further.   
GG: are you suuuurrrrrrrre? >:D   
TT: Mmmm...   
TT: Regrettably, yes.   
GG: maybe some other time then >;D    
TT: ...   
TT: Yes.   
TT: Until later, Jade. <3   
GG: i will be thinking of you! >;D <3<3   
TT: ...   
TT: As will I. <3   
\--tentacleTherapist has set her status to Busy (*Board Meeting*, Harley)   
GG: heeheehee! :D <3

TT: Jade.   
TT: I know you're away right now.   
TT: An email would probably be the more sensible option, but I think I need something for this that I cannot revise.   
TT: Or take back.   
TT: I don't know if you realize it-- as you say, sometimes time poses difficulties for you-- but it's been a year, now, since that first date of ours.   
TT: And it has been an excellent year.   
TT: Expressing appreciation has never been my strong suit.   
TT: You seem to accept that, for whatever reasons, but I really feel obligated to put some effort into it anyway.   
TT: It is quite literally the least that I can do.   
TT: When we began this experiment, I was terribly worried.   
TT: Romance was never a priority for me. I was not at all certain I was capable of it.   
TT: I was afraid that I would hurt you, and what sort of nightmare would that have been?   
TT: Quite unimaginable.   
TT: But I had to try. Once you put the idea into my head, I had to try.   
TT: Because you... had captured my attention.   
TT: I felt a fascination toward you.   
TT: You appear quite simple at first glance-- I think you seem quite simple to yourself, so this may just confuse you-- but as I got to know you, I realized there were many things about you I just didn't understand.   
TT: There are still a lot of things about you I don't understand.   
TT: But I wanted to find out.   
TT: The science in my genetic background coming out, I suppose.   
TT: As well as that advice you gave me.   
TT: Work with the world you have.   
TT: Throwing them away like discarded napkins was the mistake in thinking that was forced upon us by circumstance.   
TT: But we can grow out of that now.   
TT: ...It's not just you who's prone to rambling.   
TT: What I essentially mean to say is...   
TT: I still don't understand you, and I still don't know if I can be what you need, and I am still irrationally, passionately determined to find out anyway.   
TT: And I suspect that is how "love" manifests in me.   
TT: So... I would like to celebrate the year we have spent together.   
TT: And beg your indulgence for one more.   
TT: I will see you tonight, my dear.   
TT: <3

\--

**Author's Note:**

>  _Prompt:  
>  Cute fluff? I don't have anything specific in mind for this. I just want to see a cute ship being cute (which is not to say that I'm opposed to ~FEELINGS~ being involved, because I love feelings)._
> 
> Hope you liked this! I always have to include a ~MEANING~ in things, but I hope it didn't detract too much from the fluff. Anyway... that's what the second part is for... >_>
> 
> Speaking of. To the one without whom I would understand none of this either, <3<3.


End file.
